Avoiding Infidelity

This past weekend I celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary with my husband. Over those years we have had our ups and downs, but I can honestly say that today we love each other so much more than we did the day we got married. A big part of that I believe is what I have been learning about marriage in school the past couple semesters. It's funny that as a society we believe that marriage is something that we can just be good at without any work or education. We got the rings, had a big party and live together, isn't that enough? The answer is no. 

This week I learned more about fidelity and sex in a marriage. With the former, I tend to be part of the naive group who thinks "oh that could never happen to me". The sad fact of the matter is it can and probably will if we don't safe guard our marriages from infidelity. In Goddard’s book “Drawing Heaven into your Marriage” he lays out the subtle order of events that leads to a sexual affair.

“Progression of Unfaithfulness”

 – Behaviors that seem innocent (i.e., missionary

work, doing good, helping in some capacity)

– An affection grows that claims part of one’s

heart

– Extramarital flirting.  Justification-“no harm

intended”

– Relationship declared as “special”

– Opportunities created to see “special friend”

(One worries what others will say/think)

– Excuses made, lies told to hide time and

resources spent on other person

– Spouse is displaced. Emotional intimacy

exchanged with “special friend”

– Faultfinding with spouse

– Fantasies about other person

– Physical affection– a squeeze, a kiss, a hug

– Sexual relations

If you find you have a relationship like this, with someone of the opposite sex, no matter what step you need to address it as quickly as possible. There is a great a great article called Fidelity in Marriage: It’s More Than You Think by Kenneth W. Matheson if you are unsure about an opposite sex friendship you have. He lays out some questions that will really help you honestly assess the situation. In my opinion one of the easiest ways to figure out if the relationship is inappropriate is think about how you would feel if your spouse had a similar relationship. If your marriage is in a rough patch that may not work, but for a person who is simply about to head down a bad path unintentionally it should help.