Power in Families

We often hear the expression "power struggle" in reference to marriage an family. Spouses fighting against each other, children against parents, but this is not the way it should be. In an article by Richard B Miller called "Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families"he lays out exactly how power should be in families.

• Parents are the leaders in families

This first dynamic Miller states is very important. Note how he uses the word "leader" not boss, dictator, or commander. The parents are suppose to lead with kindness and by example, but at the same time it is their job to lead not the child.

•  Parents must be united in their leadership

Have you ever had a job where one boss was telling you to do something one way, and another an entirely different way or maybe not to do it at all? Backing up your co-parent and working together is an extremely important part of parenting. Miller also says that if you do disagree, don't do it in front of the children. 

• The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when the child becomes an adult

I love what Miller has to say about this so I'm going to quote it exactly. "When children become adults, the relationship between parents and children changes. In healthy families, the parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them. Of course, parents still have the right to set household rules concerning appropriate behavior in their house, but they no longer have the right or responsibility to tell their adult children what to do. It is now the stewardship of the adult children to make decisions concerning their own families." 

• The marital relationship needs to be a partnership

I have often heard members and non members alike, talk about the Mormons who expect there women to be home barefoot and pregnant and under the control of their husbands. There couldn't be anything farther from the truth. God made man and woman equal partners, each with different roles, but completely equal in all things. When performed perfectly, the roles of each raise happy righteous children which is the entire point of our lives here on earth.

 

When we fight for power in our own relationships we need to take a step back and figure out why. We should never struggle for power with our spouse, we are partners who should have the same goal in life. Struggling for power is something Satan wants us to do, God wants us to preform the roles he laid out from the very beginning to Adam and Eve.