The Secret of Successful Marriages

Sometimes I think life is all about looking for secrets. The secret to the perfect body, the secret to being rich, etc. Well John Gottman believes he knows the secret of successful marriages. Gottman says turning towards your spouse is that secret. What does that mean? It's simple really, when your spouse talks to you or interacts you stop what you're doing to engage with them. You basically make them an important part of your life and day. In his research he found that after 6 years, couples who were still together on average turned towards each other 86% of the time. Couples who were divorced only turned toward each other 33% of the time on average. 

In my own marriage I have observed that media, specifically smart phones, are a big deterrent in turning towards my spouse. I have recommitted to putting down my phone and really listening to my spouse. I will try to not miss his bids for attention because I am to wrapped up in my own things. 

Elder Robert E. Wells wrote a wonderful talk called Overcoming Those Differences of Opinion. In it he made the following comment:

"We must seek the Lord’s help in understanding each other, resolving challenges, and reaching appropriate decisions—all without becoming defensive. Even more important, we must seek his help in changing our behavior and our hearts. As we invite the Lord to soften our hearts toward one another and as we sincerely repent of our weaknesses, he will change our hearts. He will turn us from our selfish, petty, worldly attitudes and fill us with pure, Christlike love. No amount of talking and communicating will really resolve our differences unless our marriages are based upon true gospel principles, such as faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, and obedience"

I really loved this gospel perspective on Gottmans principle. It makes sense that turning to the Lord is 
an essential part of this principle. Through God all things are possible. God ordains marriage, that is how he designed us to be together with a husband or wife. Of course he wants us to be successful, and the only way to do that is through Him. 

My husband loves the outdoors so last summer I "turned towards him" by going often even though it's not my fav.